Before all of this Becksie worked in mental health. She was told by people she was good at doing it. She tried to tell herself she enjoyed it. The capital T truth was she really really didn’t. You see she enjoyed the fact that she was helping people but being surrounded by problems and people feeling low the world had started to feel a bit grey. Having previously worked for a homeless charity (something Becksie on careful reflection did actually enjoy) Becksie had acquired a special knack of visiting a new place and only seeing the people on the streets, signs of crime, people in sorrow etc etc.
When Becksie left work to go on maternity leave she knew deep in her heart that it was the end of that chapter, the close of that door. When she drove away from work for the last time she cried as everything she had worked to achieve was finished, she was unsure what that meant. Before Lizzie was actually born Becksie spent a lot of time thinking about what had been the path she had chosen since leaving university. After trying to solve homelessness and accommodation issues for people affected by mental health and with the birth of a little person a few weeks away she felt a sense of guilt that despite her training and skills she would no longer be helping these people. That was hard because during her time doing this type of work Becksie had met loads of people who needed support and had learnt a lot from these people. She felt guilt! Truth be told she felt a little empty – this part of her had almost died.
4.47am on a May morning Becksie was told (by Ian) it’s a girl! 4.57am an agreement was made that that little girl was Elizabeth. Everything changed. Focus shifted. At some point in the first few weeks when Ian had returned to work and the new ‘normal’ had begun Becksie knew she had found her niche. She was using her skills just in a different way as Lizzie’s mummy.
As Lizzie was only small and Becksie the project person felt like she needed a micro project to manage she came up with the idea of writing a blog. Somewhere around the middle of October the concept of ‘a year without supermarkets’ was born. A blog post everyday about our journey without supermarkets. It started about food and mostly kept on track but more thoughtful and self reflective things have crept in. So as it comes to an end that familiar feeling of a chapter ending is starting to creep in. Obviously this will still be here – we can post as and when there is something to write about that could be every few days or once a month but…… come November 5th it will somehow be different.
In a funny kind of way this blog has also helped Becksie find another niche and that is writing. When something is in her mind she feels compelled to write it down. So being a writing mummy seems to be Becksie’s current niche -unfortunately the pay on both sucks!
Will there be another project? Of course, we give it until about November 7th to start to come to light. What will it be? What form will it take? Who knows? Just like as Becksie drove away from her job she had no clue about all of this, who knows! It is of course exciting but it’s also a little scary as this energy has to be ploughed into something. Back to the drawing board then!